Lessons From Life on the Job Front

by Chere B. Estrin, Ph.D.

Mama never told you there’d be days like this: Twelve consecutive hours spent on the 21st floor after which you’re lucky to drag yourself to your car for a “safe” drive home on the Interstate; 10 hours in battle on the case no one else in the firm wanted; a lunch hour listening to distant rumblings from partners about the diminishing bottom-line; and a 5 o’clock drill stomping out the fire started by the employee whose name is now attached to the tag line, “Whose-hire-was-this-anyway?” Welcome to the world of combat paralegaling.

During these times of shaky economics, world unrest and the ever-present merging, purging and scourging of law firms, it’s time to talk about that elusive and important quality called BALANCE. This magical and mystical accomplishment is spoken of in hushed tones and great reverence and worked toward with high expectations. Balance has become the media darling. We read about it in books, take seminars promising to deliver relief, and even preach the stuff to our staff. The problem is no one can define it for someone else, let alone themselves.

I’m not promoting an exercise in debating idle semantics nor attempting to squash the quest for a balanced life. What I have observed is there is a curious detachment phenomena to the whole movement toward balance. Somehow, those who tout a balanced life (those media gurus) are not quite able to teach us how they are achieving a lofty life of balance. Yet, this inquiry regarding balance certainly deserves plenty of attention so we can discover it for ourselves.

Chronic stress simply wears you down mentally and physically. It’s no news to those of us in the legal field that lawyers have been ranked number one among all professionals in depression. Yet, some consultants who sell us balance seem to have adopted a “Do as I say, not as I do” approach to teaching this concept. It’s as though they have forgotten many of us now exist in a combative workplace that pulls each of our hairs out, strand by strand. While there is nothing wrong with working toward balance in your life, frankly, you’re the only one who can define the level of balance that resonates with your wishes.

Here are my observations regarding those who are the most financially ‘successful’ people (those who have the money, time and connections to do what they want, when they want with whom they want). They:

• Worked hard, efficiently and smart
• Defined their goals and knew what they wanted to accomplish
• Kept up their networking
• Formed a “Board of Directors” they could call upon for anything
• Praised and rewarded those who worked with and for them
• Did whatever it took to complete their projects on time and under budget
• Under-promised and over-delivered
• Were fair in all their business dealings
• Took care of their physical, mental and emotional health
• Were careful not to burn bridges and made sure to mend fences
• Treated their vendors well
• Surrounded themselves with people who also worked toward achieving a successful balance in their life

Successful people’s days are filled with meetings, phone calls, travel, correspondence, conferences, spending time with co-workers, preparing assignments and implementation, enjoying quality time with their families, participating in regular physical exercise, and doing everything in their power to enhance their CAREER. They’re actively focused and successful because of their dedication to their own needs and goals. Their lives are not particularly well balanced, and yet, they are successful as defined by them. Balance is achieved on a foundation of success not the other way around.

A recent study by one well-known career coach found that activities that financially successful people seldom do are:

• Meditate more than a few hours a month
• Practice yoga on a regular basis
• Deep breathing exercises
• Spiritual retreats
• Take on causes that have world wide implications
• Participate in long philosophical discussions with people in similar situations
• Become involved in local politics
• Take on causes that require more than a few hours a month of their time
• Complaining about the state of the economy or the state of the world
• Gossip

The most fascinating aspect of this examination in looking at balance is that the people who spend their time and efforts focused on this last list (meditation, yoga, etc.) were not the most successful people and yet they talk about balance more in an hour than highly successful people ever do.

Where does the quest for balance fit into your life? Can you handle becoming a raging success first and then achieve a higher level of balance in your life later? Or, are you dedicating your life to a balanced life of poverty and hope for a better future to somehow show up because of your ‘balanced’ life?

The truth is, we all have different needs, and those needs are constantly changing. Our lives are dynamic, not static. Children are born, loved ones get sick, we land a new job or lose one, develop an entirely new interest. At different points in our lives, different life events and priorities compete for our attention, and we focus on whatever is most important to us at that moment.

Now, it’s true that some people do lead lives that are wildly unbalanced, focusing obsessively on work and ignoring everything else with serious consequences to their health, relationships and family. But when that happens, their life isn’t simply out of balance; it’s out of control. Workaholics, for example, have little or no sense of how to balance work and personal life: the syndrome is the result of deep-seated psychological issues, such as a lack of self-worth or an inability to develop an identity separate from one’s work. Such issues cannot be addressed, or redressed, through greater attention to balance.

If you instead doggedly pursue that elusive state of work/life balance, trying to have some measured ration of everything you want at any given time, you are likely to end up in a kind of grey zone, where none of your needs are really being met, and you end up feeling chronically dissatisfied.

The important thing is to be conscious of the decisions you are making now, and to think serially about your life. In one chapter of your life, your personal life may take priority, in another chapter your career aspirations. Over time, a kind of balance emerges.

With an extraordinary dedication to designing and creating the life you want on your own, you can achieve successful balance in your life. Most people are amazed at the amount of time that becomes freed-up after they concentrate on success and stop worrying about balance in their lives. I know that for some of you, what I’m saying may be controversial. Then again, I’ve never been accused of being a wallflower. <sigh>

Stand first on the side of success and then balance, because achieving success first brings you a much higher level of rewards and is loads of magnitude more fun for you and everyone else. Now go forth my friends and seek success. The balance will follow.

Chere B. Estrin, Ph.D. is CEO of the Century City based Career Coaches International. She is the author of 8 books on legal careers including The Attorney Career Guide (West 2004) and has been interviewed by Newsweek, The L.A. Times, The Chicago Tribune, Entrepreneur magazine, The New York Times, BusinessWeekOnline, Working Woman, Maxim and other prestigious publications. A lively seminar speaker, Ms. Estrin is also a winner of the Century City Chamber of Commerce Women of Achievement Award and an Inc. magazine, “Entrepreneur of the Year” finalist. She can be reached at CareerCoaches@aol.com; www.CareerCoachesInternational.com. Copyright by C.B. Estrin.